A friend asked my opinion about this statement and here’s my reply . . .
Who said that? And why would anyone believe it?
The dictionary says a victim is a person who has been attacked, injured, robbed, killed, cheated or fooled by someone else; someone or something that is harmed by an unpleasant event (such as an illness or accident).
However, there's something we do to ourselves after being victimized that creates an additional definition . . . A victim is one who perpetually allows circumstances or people to be the justification or the cause of their suffering. Victims place the power to change their suffering into the hands of the perpetrator (person or circumstance). When the perpetrator doesn't change their behavior, or worse . . . dies, the victim's suffering goes on forever because the perpetrator - the one the victim has empowered to stop the victim's pain (by apologizing, loving, accepting, embracing, paying, etc.) - has refused, or has left the planet.
The dictionary says a victor is one who overcomes or defeats an enemy, opponent or adversary. In the context of forgiveness I think a victor is one who perpetually finds ways to reframe past circumstances into acceptable situations, even if it means turning those circumstances into character- or skill-building exercises. A victor catches the ego's attempts to maintain its position of "us against them" and confronts the illusions for what they are.
When peace prevails, Spirit is present.
"Forgiveness without justice is being a victim" is a statement designed to imprison one in pain and servitude to the past, forever. Remember, the ego puts forth and grasps onto anything that justifies its position and need to be right. Whose job is it to decide when justice has been served? I'd say, "forgiveness without justice is being wise."
Repeat after me: I give my self, my inner child, and my personality aspects, permission to move on.
Victims say: “I'm not getting justice because you're not paying for the crime you committed against me.” Unconsciously what happens is . . . “I'm going to punish and victimize myself by holding on to hate, shame, blame, bitterness and regret about what you did to ensure that someone suffers and pays the price for what you did . . . and I'm going to do that by constantly replaying the event in my mind and imagination, and never forgiving you.”
Imagine a victim finally and simply deciding that appropriate punishment or justice is complete, whether it actually is or not. Imagine a victim deciding they want to be mentally and emotionally free more than they want to be right. Imagine a victim, through forgiveness and letting go of the past, is released forever from the self-made prison called victim. Just like you decide what to eat, or what to wear, deciding that you've suffered enough is really that simple. "I've had enough and I'm moving on." Then you can fill your “mental belly” with new decisions/food to replace the thoughts/food that caused your suffering. New decisions like repeating self-affirming phrases, kicking out any victim thoughts that may creep in, and really feeling and enjoying what your mind, body and emotions feel like without all the residual bitterness, hate and poor-me stories. This will make space for the real you to emerge.
Here are some other thoughts and affirmations about forgiveness and they're illustrated here:
- Forgiveness is a selfish act of healing my heart and taking back my power to choose.
- Forgiveness is choosing to be kind to myself even when no one else can or will.
- Forgiveness is the fastest way to heal from the pain, shame, blame and bitterness about the past because I know that the past is only a memory my mind chooses to hold onto and replay in the present.
- I know that the past can’t be any different than it was . . . so I forgive [give up] my fixation on the past (events, choices, people).
- I forgive by letting go of the focus on my own bad choices, and the bad choices of others, that harmed me or my loved ones.
- I forgive because I realize that the recurring thoughts and memories that remind me of my trauma, are doing nothing to the perpetrator.
- I forgive because I want to experience mental and emotional freedom and normalcy, and that’s what forgiveness does.
- I forgive because it allows me to be fully present and alive in this moment.
- I fill the hole where the event once lived with unlimited, internal, eternal sunshine.