POETRY by Tonia
Following are a few of the many poems I have written. My poetry opened up and began to flow in response to my experiences in an improvisational theater class I attended from 1997 to 1999. When I read them now, they have the same rhythm and feel of what one might hear at a Poetry Slam or a Louder Than a Bomb competition. If you wish to share any of them please include my name and (c) info. If you wish to use or perform any of them please request permission first. And, I'd love to hear if anything touched you. Enjoy.
Wing Man
© 2005 by Tonia Pinheiro
I am wrapped in your wings, full and strong.
Your words become each feather that forms
the great and powerful instruments of flight
that express the myriad experiences of a soul
drawn down into humanity
- both voluntarily and reluctantly -
to finish the work and give the gifts
of what you have achieved.
So, you remain connected to the realm
from which the security of oneness
and the freedom of expression
are unhampered
by the dense and muddied filters
formed by human thought forms
and emotional debris
to which we are subjected
as we navigate our way back Home.
© 2005 by Tonia Pinheiro
I am wrapped in your wings, full and strong.
Your words become each feather that forms
the great and powerful instruments of flight
that express the myriad experiences of a soul
drawn down into humanity
- both voluntarily and reluctantly -
to finish the work and give the gifts
of what you have achieved.
So, you remain connected to the realm
from which the security of oneness
and the freedom of expression
are unhampered
by the dense and muddied filters
formed by human thought forms
and emotional debris
to which we are subjected
as we navigate our way back Home.
Soft Surprise
© 2005 Toni Maria Pinheiro
I saw you come in
late and lanky.
You put down your bag,
stripped off your coat,
picked up a chair and
passed the nearest obvious space
to join the circle next to me.
Then, leaning over swift and bold
one hand on the back of my chair
the other on my chin
you kissed me long
then you kissed me again,
the soft fullness of your lips on mine
a serious kiss, deliberate.
One, two, long, longer, sure, surely
you wanted me to know
this was a kiss, one times two,
that said you meant to kiss me,
and in this moment of arrival
I am the one you choose.
Your lips said, I know you, I want you
and I feel safe getting a quick hit
of tenderness before I sit down.
I reached up to touch your face.
I wanted to be alone with you
and really kiss you until we were done.
But the circle was full of people
and I had to hide my desire
beneath your soft lips
and fall of hair.
© 2005 Toni Maria Pinheiro
I saw you come in
late and lanky.
You put down your bag,
stripped off your coat,
picked up a chair and
passed the nearest obvious space
to join the circle next to me.
Then, leaning over swift and bold
one hand on the back of my chair
the other on my chin
you kissed me long
then you kissed me again,
the soft fullness of your lips on mine
a serious kiss, deliberate.
One, two, long, longer, sure, surely
you wanted me to know
this was a kiss, one times two,
that said you meant to kiss me,
and in this moment of arrival
I am the one you choose.
Your lips said, I know you, I want you
and I feel safe getting a quick hit
of tenderness before I sit down.
I reached up to touch your face.
I wanted to be alone with you
and really kiss you until we were done.
But the circle was full of people
and I had to hide my desire
beneath your soft lips
and fall of hair.
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ALOOF
Tonia Pinheiro ©1997-2004 I want unlimited, continuous time to have the edges of my armor traced, the body of my armor kneaded, needed, softened and embraced until it slips away; to have my heart bathed in tender healing, to have my spirit drawn forth in splendor, and to do the same for you. But I’m afraid to touch you too much, or to touch too much of you, or to feel your touch too much. Afraid I may be absorbed, extinguished; That saturation will be complete and I will be lost, drowned in the sea, see? of your presence and presents. Afraid to offer myself fully. Afraid I cannot have all of you. Afraid you will reject me. Afraid I might overwhelm your senses, and violate your tenderness. Even worse, I am afraid you will want me, accept me, and love me - all of me - Which will overwhelm my senses, and tear down my castle fortress exposing the fragile love it protects. So I live in the tower and create a dam too high for you to penetrate or over flow. Aloof. On the roof. Looking down upon you. I can't find the exit but I am safe. |
ALOOF TOO
Tonia Pinheiro © 2001 © 2005 Here I am in the midst of despair and conflicting emotions seeping out like water through the cracks of a dam pushing against the wall of my terror opening up cracks in my armor Not wanting to let anyone see that I am ready for the dam to burst forth with all of the pent up emotion and pain that no one ever could hear. Here I am, aloof to the world No one knows what is swirling and raging within this friendly façade. I have to let go soon. Let go of all of the falseness. Let go of all the beliefs that made me who I was, and who I lost. Cracks in the armor. Rust being chipped away. Little drops of blood. Little streaks of tears. I am ready and wonder what will happen? Will I still be able to work each day? Or will I have a melt down and need to stay away hide away, sleep away this next transformation, shifting of shape - transition to wholeness. My body is in rapt anticipation of what is about to occur. I don’t know what to expect - but I’m ready. Aloof too, so no one will know that the real me slipped in. . . quietly, unannounced. |
FREE THE SAVIOR
Tonia Pinheiro © 2005
I REMOVE MYSELF FROM THE ROLE OF SAVIOR
I LAY THIS BURDEN DOWN
I NO LONGER HAVE THE NEED TO SAVE ANOTHER
I CAST OFF THE CLOAK OF THE CLOWN
THAT ROLE HAS TURNED SO SOUR
YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED BY HOURS
THE TIME SOON COMES
TO BE ON YOUR OWN
I AM SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU
IN JAIL SO LONG
AS THE ONE WHO MUST BE SAVED.
A MIND GAME I PLAYED WITHOUT KNOWING
TO TAKE ON THE ROLE OF THE SAVIOR
TO CREATE THE PLAY OF EXPERIENCE
THERE IS ONE WHO MUST ALWAYS BE SAVED
THERE IS NO SAVIOR
THERE IS ONLY PERCEPTION
THERE IS NO OTHER
THERE IS ONLY THE SELF
THERE IS NO ONE TO SAVE
THERE IS ONLY PERCEPTION
THAT CREATES THIS WORLD OF MYSELF
IF ALL ARE SAVED AND FREE
THE SAVIOR DOES NOT NEED TO BE
IF ALL ARE SAVED AND FREE
THAT ALSO INCLUDES ME
I BREAK THE VOW TO SAVE YOU
THAT WAS MADE WHEN I WAS THREE
TO LIFT YOU UP WOULD LIFT ME UP
TO SEE YOU THRIVE WOULD FREE ME
AND KEEP ME FROM THE FEELINGS
AND THE PAIN AND THE MADNESS
OF FEAR AND BETRAYAL AND TRAUMA
FROM WHICH I SO DESIRED TO BE SAVED
I CALL THAT VOW COMPLETED NOW
SO THAT WE MAY BOTH BE FREE
AND SAFE, AND SAVED.
THE DAY HAS NOW ARRIVED
IT IS PRESENT HERE AND NOW
THE TIME HAS COME
TO SET US FREE
TO LET OUR PEOPLE GO.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tonia Pinheiro © 2005
I REMOVE MYSELF FROM THE ROLE OF SAVIOR
I LAY THIS BURDEN DOWN
I NO LONGER HAVE THE NEED TO SAVE ANOTHER
I CAST OFF THE CLOAK OF THE CLOWN
THAT ROLE HAS TURNED SO SOUR
YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED BY HOURS
THE TIME SOON COMES
TO BE ON YOUR OWN
I AM SORRY FOR KEEPING YOU
IN JAIL SO LONG
AS THE ONE WHO MUST BE SAVED.
A MIND GAME I PLAYED WITHOUT KNOWING
TO TAKE ON THE ROLE OF THE SAVIOR
TO CREATE THE PLAY OF EXPERIENCE
THERE IS ONE WHO MUST ALWAYS BE SAVED
THERE IS NO SAVIOR
THERE IS ONLY PERCEPTION
THERE IS NO OTHER
THERE IS ONLY THE SELF
THERE IS NO ONE TO SAVE
THERE IS ONLY PERCEPTION
THAT CREATES THIS WORLD OF MYSELF
IF ALL ARE SAVED AND FREE
THE SAVIOR DOES NOT NEED TO BE
IF ALL ARE SAVED AND FREE
THAT ALSO INCLUDES ME
I BREAK THE VOW TO SAVE YOU
THAT WAS MADE WHEN I WAS THREE
TO LIFT YOU UP WOULD LIFT ME UP
TO SEE YOU THRIVE WOULD FREE ME
AND KEEP ME FROM THE FEELINGS
AND THE PAIN AND THE MADNESS
OF FEAR AND BETRAYAL AND TRAUMA
FROM WHICH I SO DESIRED TO BE SAVED
I CALL THAT VOW COMPLETED NOW
SO THAT WE MAY BOTH BE FREE
AND SAFE, AND SAVED.
THE DAY HAS NOW ARRIVED
IT IS PRESENT HERE AND NOW
THE TIME HAS COME
TO SET US FREE
TO LET OUR PEOPLE GO.
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The first draft of Internal Indigenous was written on Saturday, May 9, 2003 at Art, Body and Soul Workshop conducted by Kat (Mitchell) Van Hammen and Johnny Lapham. It was inspired through authentic body movement, drawing, vocalizing, singing to the drawing, and silence. The ‘Internal Indigenous’ is another name for the Soul - that which is the connection between the physical body and our Divine Source. This poem was written about the slavery of the black race in America, surrounding islands, and countries. The voice moves back and forth between white and black and spirit and then to a combined perspective. It is also true that the ancestors of every race began as indigenous people.
Internal Indigenous
by Tonia Pinheiro © 2003; rev. 9-15-2009
Running a white race.
Caring what others think.
Fear of being fully Self.
Haven for cowards and bullies
built from pain, shame, guilt and fear.
Greed, self hate, and saving face justifies
terrorizing indigenous people into slavery;
greed, self hate, and saving face
justifies causing the loss of spirit, life,
family, home, and sovereign purpose.
What compels me?
Why do I believe that indigenous people
are to be uprooted and destroyed
one way or another?
When the Internal Indigenous
is ignored and dismissed as non-existent
there is a perceived permission –
freedom even, to do the same
to other human beings and cultures.
Ignoring the Internal Indigenous
is your ego’s way of disregarding your Soul.
What happens when I disregard my Soul?
I lose my compassion, wisdom and understanding
in the small and seemingly insignificant things.
I get restless for more adrenaline.
I mask my pain and shame
with bravado and flippancy.
I must never be wrong or lose.
I turn my back on awareness
of the subtle messages of right action.
I succumb to the ego’s loud justifications,
prestidigitation, overbearing outrage
and intimidation that create the illusion
that I can do and say whatever I want
to another human being . . .
as long as I win.
Curiously, WIN is really Working In Negation
of all that is true about you
and all that will benefit
both Self and the greater good.
Getting to the top like this,
lands you at the bottom
of the lowest note of humanity’s calling.
From what or where came the feelings
of inferiority and abandonment
that spawned this need to be
“superior” at any cost?
What events caused a worthlessness
and rejection so strong that now
I cause others to feel that same
worthlessness and rejection,
through my words and actions?
And now I’ve surely won when
victim becomes perpetrator,
oppressed becomes oppressor,
slave becomes slave master,
all turned inward toward self,
perpetually creating the pain,
oppression and slavery . . . on the inside.
How can I stop this madness?
I have the resolve, strength and courage.
All I need is someone to trust with my truth,
someone to show me that
my Internal Indigenous still cares . . .
That someone would be me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Internal Indigenous
by Tonia Pinheiro © 2003; rev. 9-15-2009
Running a white race.
Caring what others think.
Fear of being fully Self.
Haven for cowards and bullies
built from pain, shame, guilt and fear.
Greed, self hate, and saving face justifies
terrorizing indigenous people into slavery;
greed, self hate, and saving face
justifies causing the loss of spirit, life,
family, home, and sovereign purpose.
What compels me?
Why do I believe that indigenous people
are to be uprooted and destroyed
one way or another?
When the Internal Indigenous
is ignored and dismissed as non-existent
there is a perceived permission –
freedom even, to do the same
to other human beings and cultures.
Ignoring the Internal Indigenous
is your ego’s way of disregarding your Soul.
What happens when I disregard my Soul?
I lose my compassion, wisdom and understanding
in the small and seemingly insignificant things.
I get restless for more adrenaline.
I mask my pain and shame
with bravado and flippancy.
I must never be wrong or lose.
I turn my back on awareness
of the subtle messages of right action.
I succumb to the ego’s loud justifications,
prestidigitation, overbearing outrage
and intimidation that create the illusion
that I can do and say whatever I want
to another human being . . .
as long as I win.
Curiously, WIN is really Working In Negation
of all that is true about you
and all that will benefit
both Self and the greater good.
Getting to the top like this,
lands you at the bottom
of the lowest note of humanity’s calling.
From what or where came the feelings
of inferiority and abandonment
that spawned this need to be
“superior” at any cost?
What events caused a worthlessness
and rejection so strong that now
I cause others to feel that same
worthlessness and rejection,
through my words and actions?
And now I’ve surely won when
victim becomes perpetrator,
oppressed becomes oppressor,
slave becomes slave master,
all turned inward toward self,
perpetually creating the pain,
oppression and slavery . . . on the inside.
How can I stop this madness?
I have the resolve, strength and courage.
All I need is someone to trust with my truth,
someone to show me that
my Internal Indigenous still cares . . .
That someone would be me.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MOTHER TONGUE
by Tonia Pinheiro © 2005
Speaking to me in our mother tongue
triggers recognition of soul lineage codes.
Artfully articulated ten dollar words
strung together in ways
that repeatedly fill my lonely mind
like a well formed phallus
inside a fully expectant womb.
We know yet don’t know from where we’ve come.
How odd that now we can be in each other's presence
and before ‘give-ness’ we could not.
We’ve played hide and seek with each other
like foreplay gone too terribly long
and the joining we must have now or die
is the union of hearts, minds, and songs
long since familiar and re-membered.
So when the right words and notes are sung
and played in their proper sequence
the code is unlocked, and locked in,
for the next ascensional phase shift.
We are gently released from our inadvertent isolation
and, simultaneously freed, we stand,
float and tremble in each other’s presence.
We gratefully melt into puddles of cosmic witchy goo.
Trust comes easily now because I am you, we are us, and
neither will let the other drown or drift away.
by Tonia Pinheiro © 2005
Speaking to me in our mother tongue
triggers recognition of soul lineage codes.
Artfully articulated ten dollar words
strung together in ways
that repeatedly fill my lonely mind
like a well formed phallus
inside a fully expectant womb.
We know yet don’t know from where we’ve come.
How odd that now we can be in each other's presence
and before ‘give-ness’ we could not.
We’ve played hide and seek with each other
like foreplay gone too terribly long
and the joining we must have now or die
is the union of hearts, minds, and songs
long since familiar and re-membered.
So when the right words and notes are sung
and played in their proper sequence
the code is unlocked, and locked in,
for the next ascensional phase shift.
We are gently released from our inadvertent isolation
and, simultaneously freed, we stand,
float and tremble in each other’s presence.
We gratefully melt into puddles of cosmic witchy goo.
Trust comes easily now because I am you, we are us, and
neither will let the other drown or drift away.
Mysterious Patternicus
by Tonia Pinheiro © 2004
I know us when I see us.
A Mysterious Patternicus.
The lily pond our roots entwined
yet grown alone apart from us
to be our fullness undistracted
you and me, the us in we,
the same life stream, the oversoul’s dream
We are the full embodiment
of the heaven on earth we seek.
I know us when I see us
in that knowing known between us.
In the rhythmic sound, the tender warm,
the easy talk, the greeting kiss.
We see the love made visible,
materialized before our eyes
so long in search of us.
I know us when I see us.
A hologram? A holy land?
Could one of these be true?
We are easy recognitions
of the practiced emanations
of the light we choose to shine
on darkened corners and wary minds.
I know us when I see us
and truly now I see between us
more than playing with the sound
I touch the sky and kiss the ground
with this Mysterious Patternicus
that shapes our life once more.
I know us when I see us.
Could one alone be two of us?
Complementary equivalents
of creativity’s expression?
Not quite the same but clearly bound
In the same rich texture
of ascension’s ground.
by Tonia Pinheiro © 2004
I know us when I see us.
A Mysterious Patternicus.
The lily pond our roots entwined
yet grown alone apart from us
to be our fullness undistracted
you and me, the us in we,
the same life stream, the oversoul’s dream
We are the full embodiment
of the heaven on earth we seek.
I know us when I see us
in that knowing known between us.
In the rhythmic sound, the tender warm,
the easy talk, the greeting kiss.
We see the love made visible,
materialized before our eyes
so long in search of us.
I know us when I see us.
A hologram? A holy land?
Could one of these be true?
We are easy recognitions
of the practiced emanations
of the light we choose to shine
on darkened corners and wary minds.
I know us when I see us
and truly now I see between us
more than playing with the sound
I touch the sky and kiss the ground
with this Mysterious Patternicus
that shapes our life once more.
I know us when I see us.
Could one alone be two of us?
Complementary equivalents
of creativity’s expression?
Not quite the same but clearly bound
In the same rich texture
of ascension’s ground.
You Go First
© 2005 Tonia Pinheiro
My darling essence of dual natured captivity,
heart broken by the vagaries of manifested dips
into the lowest frequencies of sound and physical density.
Here I am, feeling that which you described
as 'asymmetrically posited; half awake; half incarnated.'
As current states of distortion seeking mutual release;
rummaged over, then most cleanly dropped
into a vat of steaming possibility of fully awake incarnation,
your vast heart was placed in my infinite belly
safely protected for all these years since birth
and all the versions and variations of various lives and times.
And now, childless mother that I am,
this last trimester of gestation of creation
will seem long, yet is the shortest distance
between two points of light that have
bent themselves into refractions
never before experienced,
yet never flawed from original intent.
What a gift of trust you give me;
I am able to see who I am and be who I am
as you offer your truth for my viewing.
Greatly 'frozen grief' and the effects
of 'frozen energy into specious self'
is clearly tsunami-grade grand release
and proportionate destruction of known self.
We recognize it as it approaches
and will know it when it arrives.
We intend to be fully present and prepared, yet know
we are not fully embodied enough
to take the full brunt of the waves.
Our vehicles need significant upgrades
to hold the full array of frequencies
that exist when we are in our free and natural
unmanifested states.
So my darling, hold on for dear and barren life.
In order to avoid being the progenitors
and immediate cause of a world-wide disaster
we know and accept that we must engage
in the temporary inundation
of our familiar personal embodiments.
It is required, so we trust each other
so that our frozen grief can finally,
suddenly, fully, and completely be
liquefied and expressed – without further regret;
and deeply loved - without condition.
In this now moment, we are each other’s solution -
one as gate keeper, the other as key master -
ready to fit, unlock, and flood into full embodiment.
You go first.
© 2005 Tonia Pinheiro
My darling essence of dual natured captivity,
heart broken by the vagaries of manifested dips
into the lowest frequencies of sound and physical density.
Here I am, feeling that which you described
as 'asymmetrically posited; half awake; half incarnated.'
As current states of distortion seeking mutual release;
rummaged over, then most cleanly dropped
into a vat of steaming possibility of fully awake incarnation,
your vast heart was placed in my infinite belly
safely protected for all these years since birth
and all the versions and variations of various lives and times.
And now, childless mother that I am,
this last trimester of gestation of creation
will seem long, yet is the shortest distance
between two points of light that have
bent themselves into refractions
never before experienced,
yet never flawed from original intent.
What a gift of trust you give me;
I am able to see who I am and be who I am
as you offer your truth for my viewing.
Greatly 'frozen grief' and the effects
of 'frozen energy into specious self'
is clearly tsunami-grade grand release
and proportionate destruction of known self.
We recognize it as it approaches
and will know it when it arrives.
We intend to be fully present and prepared, yet know
we are not fully embodied enough
to take the full brunt of the waves.
Our vehicles need significant upgrades
to hold the full array of frequencies
that exist when we are in our free and natural
unmanifested states.
So my darling, hold on for dear and barren life.
In order to avoid being the progenitors
and immediate cause of a world-wide disaster
we know and accept that we must engage
in the temporary inundation
of our familiar personal embodiments.
It is required, so we trust each other
so that our frozen grief can finally,
suddenly, fully, and completely be
liquefied and expressed – without further regret;
and deeply loved - without condition.
In this now moment, we are each other’s solution -
one as gate keeper, the other as key master -
ready to fit, unlock, and flood into full embodiment.
You go first.
BORG REFLECTIONS
Tonia Pinheiro © 1999 © 2002
NextGen Trekkies may particularly enjoy this take on the ominous nemesis
of Captain Picard and the crew of the Enterprise.
[This poem is long and is separated into two columns.
The beginning starts at the column on the left.]
of Captain Picard and the crew of the Enterprise.
[This poem is long and is separated into two columns.
The beginning starts at the column on the left.]
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“We are Borg.
Resistance is Futile.” What you see is what you are. Humachines, living and working in cubes called buildings which you believe to be impervious. We Borg are connected to each other, One common collective, One mind. We absorb that which is weak. Weak because it believes it is separate. You see us as jailers, as murderers as takers of freedom and life. But we do not cross your path unbidden. “We are Borg. Resistance is futile.” You see in us who and what you are and what you tolerate and condone in your world. You see us as a terror to be avoided, to be fought against and annihilated. We are what you have always been; but, lost in the illusion that separates you from the reality, you do not see clearly the truth. How you see us is your very own reflection. You see us as you are Not as we are. So, what you see is your shadow self Your dark and frightening disowned self. We threaten your ego’s domain, its power, control, separation and arrogance. “We are Borg. Resistance is futile.” What we are is the Oneness of the Divine Source. The advance guard of creative power, peace and unconditional Love, assimilating you no matter how vile you may be; learning from you and growing stronger because we are humble. Adapting easily to your defenses and weapons, without struggle or doubt because we know that you and we are One. The Universal One. The Divine One. We remain true to the Source collecting Lost Souls. We are the Collective. “We are Borg. Resistance is futile.” |
You see us as grotesque combinations
of biology and machines, merged into impenetrable, undying bodies that gain strength and sustenance by assimilating other life forms then renewing ourselves by going within and merging into the oneness of each other. We do not resist and so we become the strength you fear most. You see our source and our home as a giant cube, dark and foreboding. We see that this image has become your reality Have you not created this very image in your cities and your homes? Boxed in - tied to your machines - cannot live without things electric or electronic? Logging in and tuning in to your computers and televisions, your cell phones and video games? The darkness you project onto us is the darkness of your own restricted vision. The darkness you fear after physical death. The mass of metal and wires and probes that seem to cover us is a reflection of that which is in your own energy field as a result of what you have built around you to deny the reality of the Spirit that you are. Resistance is futile. Hold tight to your beliefs and we will haunt your dreams. We are Borg. We adapt. Allow your mind to assimilate a new and different reality and we will be transformed within your eyes. Accept what you see when the veil of fear and denial is removed and you will see beyond the dark picture being projected onto our form. You will discover who we really are . . . B O R G Beings Openly Reflecting God. |
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11:12 Sting-like (Royalty Free Binaural Beats)
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